


One Step Closer

by agrinwithouthiscat



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Aromantic Harry, Aromantic Louis, Asexual Louis, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Pansexual Harry, Queerplatonic Relationships, Self-Discovery, honestly this is just aro larry making fun of allos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-26 02:38:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4986883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agrinwithouthiscat/pseuds/agrinwithouthiscat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Louis is aromantic asexual and doesn't want to go to a wedding on his own, Harry charms the pants off of Louis' family, and they spend a weekend playing Perfect Couple. </p><p>or</p><p>The one fake relationship AU where they don't end up together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Step Closer

**Author's Note:**

> So I decided to combine my favourite things in fic : aro/ace 1D, fake relationships and self-discovery.  
> Title is from Infinity, because I started writing this the day it came out.
> 
> A thousand thanks to Jax for being the encouraging cutie they always are, for betaing and making me the best collage, and also for bearing with me through the writing process. I love you A Lot little bean.  
> Comments will make my day, come find me on tumblr !

“Ok, it’s my turn to ask a question, right?” Liam asks. “Sooo, out of you two, who wants to be in a relationship the most?”

Niall straightens a bit on the couch where he was drunkenly starting to doze off. They seem eager to know Harry and Louis’ answer, especially since they’ve agreed on everything form the start. Louis thinks as thoroughly as his fuzzy state allows him. He knows for sure he doesn’t want a relationship. He also knows for sure Harry doesn’t want one either. It’s pretty much unsolvable, right?

“I don’t think we can answer that, honestly, it’s neither of us, really,” Harry mumbles. Harry’s a genius. It’s a tie.

“Exactly!” Louis manages.

 

“Come on, guys, you have to answer with one of you, it’s the rules,” Niall states.

“Haven’t you two talked about that before?” Liam asks.

“Oh no, we have, and that’s how we can tell you with certainty that it’s neither of us” Harry says fervently.

“Oh, you’re no fun!” Niall exclaims, “Ok, Li, it’s our turn.”

As he stands up, the front door of the apartment slams shut.

“Ooooh Zaynie, you’re baaack,” Harry practically screams. He pulls his roommate into a warm hug. “Come join us, I’ll get you a beer. No, wait, Lou, can you get him a beer? I don’t want to go to the kitchen, it’s too far away,” he stumbles. “Come on, we’re playing the chairs game!”

“What the fuck is the chairs game and how did it get you so pissed?” Zayn asks. Honestly, they could have waited for him to arrive, he’s probably missed the fun part of the evening.

“Heyyy, I’m not pissed! Fuck you!” Harry slurs.

“Oh, don’t worry about him, he was tipsy way before we started playing,” Liam says. “So I don’t think it’s actually called the chairs game…”

“It’s called ‘you or me’ fyi!” Louis screams from the kitchen. That makes Harry giggle.

Liam rolls his eyes. “Anyway… Basically two people get on those chairs,” he gestures to the two back to back chairs in the middle of the living room,” and we ask them questions like “‘who would rather’? or ‘who is most likely to’? and they have to either raise their hands or point to the other. If they agree, we drink, if they don’t, they drink.”

“Ok, seems easy enough.”

“Ok so, Payno, Niall, you’re up!” Louis says, handing a fresh beer to Zayn. “I’m first to go! Out of you two, who likes me most?”

When they point at each other, they all burst out laughing. After a few dozens questions, they’re all passably drunk and giggly. Harry is in Louis’ lap, which always amazes Louis. Harry’s so tall and somehow he manages to just cuddle into him.

“I can’t believe you think I’m not funny,” Liam tells Louis.

“I don’t! The question was ‘who’s the funniest?’ and I’m definitely funnier than you.” Louis states.

“You’re the worst honestly. I’m ex- extrem- fuck I’m hilarious!”

“That game could end marriages, honestly,” Zayn laughs.

“Talking about marriages,” Niall interject, “when’s Max’ wedding?”  

“Who’s Max?” Harry asks.

“Oh, it’s my cousin. Niall knows him from when we were kids and he used to spend the summer at our house,” Louis says. “It’s in a month I think. Fuck, I’d forgotten, I’m not looking forward to it,” he sighs.

“Oh why not? I loooove weddings!” Harry smiles while very thoroughly patting Louis’ hair.

“No it’s not that, I love Max, I’m happy for him and all but you know how my family is. After him I’m the only boy left in the family to marry. They’re all gonna bug me with questions and why I’m still single and who’s the lucky person. Somehow they’re sure I have a boyfriend here that I’m hiding.”

“Well, you kind of are, aren’t you?” Harry jokes with a wink.

Louis rolls his eyes. It’s more or less Harry’s favourite thing to do to confuse people by implying they’re a couple. It started when they met, their first year of uni, because everyone kept assuming that they were together. He doesn’t mind that much. He does it, too , sometimes, just to see people’s reactions. He thinks Harry and him would be a pretty dope couple, to be honest. He’s just not into Harry. He’s not into anyone, really.

“Oooh, I should totally c-come with you!” Harry exclaims, as if it’s the the best idea he’s ever had. Wrong Harry, wrong, it’s the worst idea, Louis thinks. His family is fucking difficult and being introduced to them at a wedding… Wait, he’s not considering it, it’s a no, and that’s final.

“Shut up, Styles, you’re drunk.”

“I’m so- I’m so not,” Harry hiccups. Well, that probably wasn’t very convincing. “Ok, ok. Maybe I am but I’m also tot- totally serious. You always talk about how you hate being with your whole family for so long, and I can handle it, I don’t give a ff- fuck about them.” And honestly, when will this hiccup stop? It’s making him far less convincing and he really hopes he can convince Louis. “So, basically, what I’m trying to- to say is that I love weddings and happy people, we’ll eat a- a lot and you’ll have a boyfriend for two days.”

“I’m not listening to you,” Louis lies. It’s actually kind of nice to imagine his family not asking questions about his love life. And having Harry there with him to release the tension wouldn’t be bad either.

 

***

 

 

A month later, on a cold Friday morning (well, cold for Louis’ taste anyway), Harry and Louis are waiting for their train. Their fingers are so numb they ache, but it’s probably worth it.

“I’m so pumped! I brought one tie and two bowties, I wasn’t sure which one you’d prefer,” Harry says excitedly.

“Shut up, Styles,” Louis says fondly. He loves Harry but honestly, he’s way too happy about meeting his family.

“I told you, I love weddings!”

“Why did I agree to this again?” Louis sighs.

“You love me?”

“Yeah, no, that’s not it.”

“You love me, you dislike most of your family, and you were drunk,” Harry says.

“Mmh. Unfortunately, that’s not completely false.”

When they’re finally settled in their compartment, Harry puts his hands on the table in a very business-like manner.

“So, Louis. How are we doing this?”

“What do you mean, how? We pretend to be ‘in love’,” Louis says, using air quotes, “and that’s it. It’s not that complicated,” he shrugs.

“No no no, I’ve seen enough romantic comedies to know we need more than this. I need to know all about you, or no one will buy it!”

Honestly, why the fuck is Harry so excited about this? “Harold, you know everything there is to know about me. We’ve literally been best friends for years,” Louis says with a disbelieving expression.

“I’m not talking basic info, I’m talking sweet nicknames for each other! Cute stories where people go ‘aaaw’ at the end! Couple’s inside jokes!”

“That sounds like hell, honestly.”

“No, I don’t think you understand,” Harry whispers conspiratorially. “We get to make fun of sappy couples for a whole weekend and without anyone realizing. We can say the most ridiculous things and people will find us adorable!”

Mmh. That’s an argument. “That does sound fun, actually,” Louis says slowly. He’s starting to get what makes Harry so enthusiastic about the whole thing. “We can get really extra and people won’t realize we’re mocking them…”

“Exactly! So what should we say? It was love at first sight but it took us four years to get our shit together?”

“Ok ok, let’s go a bit overboard with the cliché stuff, shall we? There was an instant connection, but you thought I was in love with someone else…”

“Let’s say Liam” Harry interrupts. “He’d be so pissed to know we’re using him as a prop in our fake true love story.”

“I like the way you’re thinking,” Louis is slowly getting pumped about the whole thing. “Oh god, we need nicknames for each other. What shall I call you? Honey? Pumpkin?”

“Surprise me!” Harry says with a wink. “Ok so how did we end up getting together?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Oh, gross, honestly!” Louis pauses. “I’ve always loved that bad TV trope when people confess their undying love for each other during a fight. Like ‘Michael, I don’t understand!’” Louis exclaims. “‘What have I ever done to you?! Why are you always being so rude to me?’” he declaims theatrically. “ ‘Because I love you , Karen!’, Michael shouts intensely!”

Harry shrieks with laughter so loudly that an old man turns to look at them disapprovingly.

“Oh my god, that’s perfect! Can I be Michael in that scenario? Please, Lou, please?”

“Of course you’d want to be the one to say I love you first,” Louis smiles. “Fine, but I’m the one who leaned in to kiss you fiercely and passionately then.”

“Alright, alright. Talking about kissing, though… Where do we stand on this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, if we were a real couple, people would expect us to kiss at some point, wouldn’t they?”

“Mmh, I hadn’t thought of that,” Louis says. Who knew a fake relationship meant so much preparation? “Don’t take it the wrong way but I honestly don’t want to make out with you.”

“Feeling’s mutual,” Harry says with a smile. “We can probably work with cheek kisses, cuddles and caresses.”

“Yeah, kisses on the cheek are fine, and we can do those forehead and nose kisses and stuff. Just no mouth, ok? If people start getting suspicious we can talk about mouth pecks but I’d rather not, honestly.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t think we’ll need it. We cuddle so much, everyone already thinks we’re a couple anyway,” Harry reassures him. He can see Louis starting to stress out a bit. “I think we need to learn to,” he pauses dramatically. “… Stare at each other lovingly” he says, his tone full of irony. “We could do staring contests, only instead of not letting go of the other’s gaze, one of us has to look and the other has to play oblivious. The first one to get a comment from your grandma wins!”

Louis chuckles. It may actually be fun to spend a few days with his family, for once.

It’s not that he hates them. He absolutely loves his mom and his sisters and he’s grown to like Dan. It’s the rest of his family he has a problem with. His grandmother is very generous but always complaining and sometimes plain rude (and no one can say anything about it because she’s the grandma™ and we must respect her). His aunts and uncles are the opposite of tolerant and half of his cousins are uninteresting at best. He warned Harry that the only cousin he likes is the one getting married so they won’t get to spend a lot of time together. Harry seemed to think he was exaggerating (“Come on, Lou, it can’t be that bad!») and he was echoed by Niall, who unfortunately knows the whole family, what with them being childhood friends and all.

Still, when they arrive at Doncaster train station, Louis is relieved to see that his mum is the one picking them up.

“Hello, darling! How are you? How was the trip?” she asks, bringing him into a warm embrace.

“Good, we’re good!”

“Good morning! I’m Harry.” Harry reaches out to shake Jay’s hand.

“I figured. No need to be so formal, love,” she says, pulling him into a hug. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Pleasure’s all mine,” Harry answers. “I like your coat, where’d you get it?”

Louis rolls his eyes. Sometimes he forgets how overly polite and nice Harry is. He’s going to charm the pants off of his entire family.

 

***

 

 

In the car, Jay tells them a bit about the organization for the following days.

“So, boys. I’ll drop you at grandma’s house.”

“Can’t we stop at home first? To drop our stuff.” Louis asks.

“Darling, you’ll be staying at grandma’s.”

“Mum!” Louis protests.

“ I’m sorry, sweetie. We had to manage in order for family not to pay for a hotel room. I know you’d rather be at home with your sisters, but since you’re here with Harry, your old bed isn’t big enough and we don’t have any room left,” Jay says. “Grandma is so happy to have you for herself for once.”

Louis sighs. Well that’s going to be even less fun than planned. When the car pulls over in front of the house, Louis whispers to Harry “Brace yourself for Grandma Tornado. She speaks so much you’re gonna get a headache in ten minutes.”

“Louis, be nice!” Jay scolds him as he takes their suitcase (yes, singular suitcase, Harry insisted real couples do that, which Louis found super ridiculous) off the trunk.

They’re not even inside her house that Louis’ grandma is already blabbering about god knows what. She has hip pain, Mrs Whatshername’s husband died, she’s not sure she has enough potatoes to make homemade mash for lunch, she hopes Max’s wife to be Carla will be able to fit in her wedding dress because it’s very tight and she has put on a bit of weight… Louis is already exhausted.

It takes her a good ten minutes of non-stop ranting to finally acknowledge Harry. “So you must be Louis’ boyfriend,” she states. “You know, we were worried he’d end up alone, he’s never brought someone home before. You’re already 23,” she turns to Louis, “it’s high time you settle down.”

Louis wants to answer sarcastically but Harry takes his hand. “Don’t worry, Mrs Poulston, I’m here to stay,” he says with a smile.

That takes Louis aback. How the hell did he remember his mum’s name? Harry is a right gem. He plants a kiss on his cheek. “He’s not going anywhere, grandma. I’ll show him the house if you don’t mind?”

“Yes, you do that while I make lunch, make sure to take the blue room, the pink one’s for Aunt Lily and the white one is for James and Michelle because…”

They’re gone before she finishes her sentence.

“Well, she seems nice,” Harry says when they’re in their room. “But I get what you mean, she is a bit intense.”

“That’s one way of putting it, I guess.”

 

***

 

 

As a family introduction, Louis’ grandma thought it would be a good idea to have the whole family eat lunch together. Of course, not everyone is present, but there are all of Louis’ sisters, his mother, two pairs of aunts and uncles and a few cousins. Harry doesn’t remember half their name.

“So, I guess everyone in the family already knows the story,” Harry starts, “but it’s always a good one to tell… How did you two meet?”

“Well,” Max starts. “ Carla did an internship in the lab I was doing research in for uni. It was love at first sight but neither of us tried anything before her last day. We were both so oblivious,” he says, looking at his fiancée fondly.

“Oh my god! That’s exactly how it happened for Louis and I, too,” Harry exclaims a bit too enthusiastically. Louis’ lips slowly turn up into a smile. This was gonna be good. “We were friends for a very long time before either of us tried anything. I think we were in love before we even realized it. I was sure he had a thing for a friend of us, he wasn’t paying attention to me because he thought I wasn’t interested anyway,” he tells. “Well, they do say love makes blind…” Harry adds, looking at Louis exaggeratedly fondly.

Louis has to refrain from cackling. How can people not realize Harry’s shitting them? They all seem captivated by Harry’s story. Louis decides to start playing along.

“It was a bit of a mess at first. We were both scared of losing the friendship, our friends had to talk some sense into us. I even had to woo him, didn’t I, honey? But everything worked out in the end, and we couldn’t be happier.” They need  to start referring at each other as a “we”, Louis decides. He hates when people say that, like they’re a single entity.

“Oh, Louis wooed you? Please do tell!”

“Oh, you wouldn’t believe, he’s the most romantic person when he wants to be,” Harry says, winking at Louis. “All about the roses and the candles. He even wrote me a song, you know how well he can sing, right?”

At that, Louis can’t help but snort. The mere idea of serenading Harry with a love song he wrote himself is just priceless.

“What is it?” Jay asks.

“Nothing, nothing,” Louis quickly says.

“Come on, why are you laughing?” Lottie asks.

Harry is quicker to answer. “I think he’s laughing because it didn’t go exactly as planned. One napkin caught fire because of all the candles and…”

While Harry goes on about their supposed first date, Louis takes his phone out. He quickly sends a “why didn’t any of you tell me how good at making shit up harry is???” to the group chat they have with Liam, Zayn and Niall.

Zayn’s answer is instant. “how do you not know that?? he’s bullshitting 78% of the time, i’m still not convinced he doesn’t live a parallel life aha”

When Louis starts paying attention again, Carla is asking how long they’ve known each other.

“Uhm, three of four years now? We were in a sociology course together in our first semester of uni, actually,” Harry answers.

“Oh, so you’re in uni then, Harry? Or did you quit as well?” One of Louis’ aunts ask. And wow, that’s kind of mean, Harry thinks. He looks at Louis, who doesn’t seem bothered by the comment. Maybe he’s used to it? Harry hopes he’s not used to it.

“Uhm, no, I’m finishing my BA this year, actually,” he answers slowly. “I’m studying Speech and Language Science.”

“That’s nice. Did you try to motivate my grandson to go back to school?”

Now Harry feels really uneasy. “I, um,” he looks at Louis anxiously.

“Leave it babe, Grandma doesn’t care that I both have a steady job and am able to do what I love, she wants me to go back to uni even if it made me miserable,” Louis snaps.

“Louis, Mom, let’s enjoy the lunch, it’s not a time to fight” Jay warns.

“I’m gonna tell my grandson what I want to tell him. Louis, you were only the second one after our Max here to go to university. You shouldn’t throw that away because you have some silly dreams of becoming a star, and you definitely shouldn’t be waiting tables. You’re waisting your capacities!”

Harry cringes. He knows Louis is still insecure about the path he’s chosen for himself.

“Look, grandma, I really don’t want to argue with you but if you insist,” Louis begins.

“Honey, please,” Jay pleads.

“I fucking hated uni, I never wanted to go in the first place, I did it for you.” Louis speaks way too calmly, it’s almost frightening. “I did it because I knew it would make you proud. Hell, I was doing Criminology, are there even jobs as criminologists? I don’t fucking know and I don’t fucking care. And whether you like it or not, I’m becoming a comedian and I’m gonna be a great one at that!”

“That’s a hobby, not a job!”

“You know what? I’m not hungry anymore,” Louis says very coldly before leaving the table. Harry knows this voice. It’s Louis’ “You hurt me and I’m done with you” voice and it’s fucking scary. He excuses himself and runs after Louis, who’s in the garden, lighting a cigarette.

“Babe, are you ok?” he asks.

“Oh, I’m peachy! My family doesn’t approve of my life choices and made it very clear for the thousandth time,” he says bitterly. “You know, just the usual Friday evening.”

“I’m so sorry, babe. I mean, it’s not your whole family? You mum and your sisters seem to be there for you no matter what,” Harry tries to comfort him.

“Yeah I know, but I’m tired of the endless discussions. I don’t even like the rest of my family, you know?” he sighs. “I just wish we didn’t have to see them. I don’t want to hear their disapproval. I keep saying I don’t care, but it still hurts.”

“It’s because they don’t know you. I mean, I’ve seen you do stand-up for about two years now and you crack me up every time. Do you really think I would be there supporting you almost every Wednesday evening if I didn’t think you got what it takes?” Harry asks.

Louis cracks a smile and puts out his cigarette to pull Harry into a hug. “I wish they were half as supportive as you,” he whispers. “I don’t want to come back in right now, I need to clear out my head a bit. I think I’m gonna go for a walk, you can come back inside and eat dessert. My grandma may not be very tactful but at least she bakes a mean pie.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Harry asks.

“No, I’d rather be by myself for a bit, if that’s ok.”

Harry nods. He knows Louis needs to be alone sometimes. It can last for a few hours, or for a few days. It’s something he’s learned to accept.

When Louis comes back, about an hour later, he finds everyone in the living room. His mum sisters are reading whatever magazine they’re into at the moment, Max, Carla and his uncles and aunts seem to have vanished and Harry, his mum and his grandma are sat down playing scrabble. He can’t help but be endeared at the sight. To an outsider, it looks like Harry is part of the family. He comes behind Harry and gives him a kiss on the cheek.

“So, who’s winning?” he asks.

“Harry is!” Jay says. “Who knew people under the age of 45 still played?” she smiles.

“Oh don’t be fooled by my perfect complexion, I am actually 67,” Harry answers very seriously.

Louis chuckles and goes to the kitchen. “Anyone wants tea?”

Nobody talks about Louis’ future anymore.

 

***

 

 

In the evening, when they’re finally in their bed (their bed, that’s such a bizarre concept, Louis thinks) and ready to go to sleep, Harry finally asks what he’s been curious about all afternoon.

“So, is it always like that in your family?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, you guys have a big argument, one of you storms out, and when they come back nobody ever talks about it again?”

Louis shrugs. “Yeah, I guess.”

“I mean, your grandma didn’t apologize, nobody even mentionned it again?”

“What for? It’s not like she’s gonna change her mind anyway.”

Louis doesn’t seem to understand what he means. “No but, don’t you guys ever talk? Like, that seems really unhealthy.”

“Not everybody can be as communicative as you, Harold,” Louis snaps. He regrets it instantly. It’s not Harry’s fault his family is dysfunctional.

“That’s not what I meant,” Harry says. “Well, kind of,” he adds after consideration. “It just seems like piling up negative emotions over the years wouldn’t do anyone any good.”

“Still easier than sharing personal feelings, if you ask me,” Louis sighs. “Let’s say communication isn’t our strong suit.”

“Sometimes you gotta externalize you emotions, you know. Or you’re gonna, like, explode at some point,” Harry says.  

“Yeah, well. Maybe.” He doesn’t really want to talk about it anymore. “Anyway, that was pretty impressive, back there, Styles. That story about me serenading you? If I didn’t know better, I’d think you prepared it.”

“I might have made up some stories beforehand, just to be safe, you know,” Harry answers with a grin.

“Oh, do tell!” This ought to be good.

“Nah, it’s a surprise. Just know that I have plenty more up my sleeve,” Harry says, wiggling his eyebrows.

“More than that song thing?”

Harry chuckles. “Might as well get really extra, right? And I mean, everyone believed it, which was hilarious and shows how little they know you, if you ask me.”

“Hey,” Louis says, mock-offended, “I could be very romantic, you know! I’m full of romance.” Harry raises an eyebrow. “Maybe not full  of romance,” Louis concedes. Harry grins at him dubiously. “Ok, I just don’t get it?” he gives up. “It’s like the whole world has this private joke where they enjoy romantic stuff and I’m just sat there waiting for the punchline.”

“I know!” Harry exclaims. “Like, I love getting flowers, so why does it have to mean the person giving them to me wants to fuck me? Some stuff are just a big mystery to me.”

“Well,” Louis says after a moment. “I’ll get you flowers when we’re back home and I promise I won’t want to sleep with you afterwards.”

“Aw, that’s cute,” Harry says with a smile. “Can I turn off the light?”

Louis nods.

“Goodnight, Lou.”

“Good night, H.”

A few minutes later, when Harry hears that Louis still isn’t sleeping, he whispers, “I’m sorry your family isn’t supportive.”

Louis doesn’t answer. “I hope you know I’ll support you no matter what. I love you a lot and I can’t wait to see you flaunt your success in their faces.”

At that, Louis feels his heart expand. He doesn’t know how to answer with words, so he moves closer to Harry and takes him in his arms.

“Sweet dreams, you little cuddle monster.”

Even in the dark, Louis can hear his grin.

“Shut up, Styles,” he answers right before dozing off.

 

***

 

 

The next morning, everyone is gathered in the family house to help with the last arrangements. Excitement is palpable. That’s very new for Harry. He only went to two weddings in his life, and more out of obligation than anything else since they weren’t from friends or close family members. He likes the hectic atmosphere. Everyone is stressed out about one thing or another but it’s only out of love and desire for everything to go as well as possible. Louis is currently stressing over the fact that Max asked him and Harry to come and help carry flowers and arrange service booklets in the church.

“Mum!!”  he yells. “Where did you put the car keys? We should already be at church, fuck, Max is gonna kill me!”

Harry is very endeared by the whole situation. “Relax, babe,” he says, massaging Louis’ shoulders. He tries to give Louis a kiss on the cheek but Louis doesn’t give him the chance and pulls himself out of his embrace.

“Now’s not the time, H,” he snaps. God, why is no one helping him?

“They’re here, Louis!” his sister yells. Thank God for Lottie. At least someone is helpful here.

When they come to the church, 3 other cousins are already helping with everything.

“Finally!” Louis’ cousin Matthew exclaims. “What took you so long?” he asks, giving Louis a hug and a clap on the back. He doesn’t have time to answer before Matthew holds out his hand to shake Harry’s. “And you must be Harry?” he asks.

“Yup, that’s me,” Harry answers with a smile.

Louis’ phone buzzes in his pocket. It’s Niall. “So, how’s the hubby masterplan going? Ur family off ur back or what?”

Louis chuckles. “Duh! We’re the perfectest couple mate, ud be impressed.”

“Nah, s’alright I know how disgustingly coupley you guys already are! As long as you never break up ;)”

Well, Louis hadn’t thought about that. He doesn’t plan on getting rid of Harry anytime soon, but they can’t play perfect couple for eternity, now, can they? Now’s not the time to think about it, he decides. He’ll have plenty of time to come with an excuse and how they were better off as friends anyway when all of this is over.

“Who’s texting?” Harry asks, putting his hand on Louis’ waist. And okay, he knows Harry is just pretending and all, but they don’t need to be so disgusting all the time, do they? It’s like he’s always searching for the opportunity to touch him in public. Is that really how couples function? It seems exhausting.

“Nialler, wants to know how everything’s going,” he answers lightly, putting his phone back in his pocket.

They walk to the entrance of the church, still entwined (which isn’t very practical if you ask Louis) when Harry leans in to whisper in Louis’ ear.

“Don’t be startled, love, I’m gonna touch your bum.”

Before Louis can protest (because woah, his family probably doesn’t need to see that), Harry is putting his hand in the back pocket of Louis’ jeans.

And okay, maybe Harry is a genius, after all.

 

***

 

 

Despite (or maybe thanks to) the excitement, the preparatives end up quickly, and soon everyone is ready to walk to the city hall. Both the civil and religious ceremonies are beautiful. Louis isn’t that much into church anymore (he never was, really, but he didn’t have much choice when he was younger) but the songs are beautiful, and the organist, who is also the bride’s sister, plays wonderfully. When Carla enters the church at her dad’s arm, Louis had to quickly wipe up a tear. He’s been to plenty of weddings, but that one feels a little particular, he’s really happy for Max. And hell, if you can’t be emotional in moments like these, when can you be? Harry seems very invested in the service, as well. Louis knows he’s more practicing than himself, but he’s still surprised to see he already knew a couple of the songs played.

When the service ends, everyone gathers outside and the maids of honour give everyone rose petals to throw on the newlyweds. It’s very tacky, in Louis’ opinion, but if it makes them happy, then what the hell. He just hope no one will do that at his own wedding, if he ever does marry. Or maybe ironically. Though he’s not sure people are supposed to do stuff ironically on their wedding days.

As they’re waiting for everyone to start going back to their cars, Louis watches Harry chat with his 8 years old cousin Maggie. He seems super invested in whatever she’s telling him, nodding seriously and going “oh?” at all the right moments. She’s probably blabbering about horses, which has been her new passion since last Christmas, when she got a book on them as a present.  

“So, you found yourself a boy, then?”

Louis turns around. It’s Matthew. “Looks like it,” he answers (which, he hadn’t even meant for it to happen but, great answer?? He’s not even lying).

“I always kind of wondered ...”

“Wondered what?” Louis asks.

“Well, if you were...” This seems to be even harder for Matthew than for Louis (which is saying something, considering the second-hand embarrassment he’s experiencing right now). “You know, you don’t seem very masculine, is all,” Matthew finishes lamely.

Louis sighs. Does he feel like giving a lesson on sexuality and gender roles right now? Probably not. Also, he can’t very well say he’s not really gay, whatever it is he actually is. He raises his eyebrows.

“Look, I’m with Harry right now and that’s all you need to know,” he says. At that point, he realizes it’s the first time he said it so matter-of-factly. Of course, they played around last night, but saying they’re together seems very... formal. And frankly, quite scary.

“No no, I don’t have a problem with that,” Matthew adds hastily. “I’m really happy for you, mate, he seems like a great guy. And from what I’ve seen this morning, he seems to be head-over-heels for you, so, good for you.”

“Does he?” Louis says absentmindedly.

“I’m not kidding, have you seen the way he looks at you? And I mean, I’m not into men,» Louis rolls his eyes harder than ever before, “but he’s a real catch, that one.  He’s nice, he helped a lot and he’s like, right fit.”

At that, Louis almost giggles. It’s actually quite sweet watching Matt squirm and try to go out of his comfort zone. They turn to where Harry is now semi-dancing with Maggie.

“And, seems like he’s great with kids, so that’s cool, too,” Matt adds with a wink.

Which, okay, woah. Uncalled for. If his family thinks Harry and him are adopting, that’s a bit much, and not at all what they planned.

When Louis stays silent, Matthew adds, “Go find you man, then!” before going himself.

Louis doesn’t move right away. It would be so much simpler if all of this was real. If he and Harry were actually in love. He’s already thought about that quite a bit, given how ambiguous their relationship sometimes is. Well. It’s not that it’s ambiguous, per se. It’s more the way people perceive them. Hell, even he did wonder, at the very beginning, if there was something there. After all, Harry’s charming, very considerate, has a dry sense of humour, he has that thing about him that just draws people to him, and Louis is no exception. People seem to fall in love with Harry right and left, but Louis just hasn’t. He can’t explain it, it’s just that the feeling’s not there. He’s never fallen in love so it’s not like he can compare, but he just knows it, deep down. He’s very happy being Harry’s best friend, the person he can go to when something’s wrong, but he can’t imagine taking their relationship “one step further”, like people say (God he hates that expression. As if friends’ love can’t be as deep as lovers’ love, that’s just bullshit). He doesn’t want to kiss Harry and he definitely doesn’t want to shag him! Just thinking about it weirds him out. And it’s not like he’s jealous when Harry goes on and on about the people he sleeps with, so. Definitely not the type of love people write songs about.

He’s shaken out of his thoughts by a cousin (is she a cousin twice removed? or is it even more distant? Fuck, he’s not good at remembering this stuff) greeting him in the hope of catching up.

 

***

 

 

The wedding dinner is held in a big mansion. It’s huge but still packed (there are 150 people after all... Louis can’t imagine how they thought inviting so many people would be a good idea). The place is gorgeous and goes really well with the automnal theme of the wedding decoration.

“Wow, it looks amazing! Like, really cosy.” Apparently, Harry was thinking the same thing.

“It really is,” Louis agrees. He takes Harry’s hand. “Come on, let’s find our table.”

They’re sat at the cousins’ table, and while it isn’t a surprise, it isn’t great either. Again, Louis doesn’t hate them, he just doesn’t find them very interesting. He’d rather be with Max’ friends, but that’s not how weddings work. Family is with family, and friends are with friends. Across them is Matthew. He may not be the brightest one, but still, he’s pretty funny most of the time, so Louis can’t complain. He’s here with his very annoying wife Alice. She’s pretty gullible if he remembers well. That should come in handy when feeding her the whole “obnoxious perfect couple” bullshit. If they have nothing to entertain themselves, they have to create the opportunity!

Before the dinner begins, Max and Carla’s friends have prepared various animations. The highlight of it being the traditional PowerPoint with baby pictures, ridiculous teenage outfits, and memories from when they were all drunk at parties in college. Everyone laughs and cheers a lot.

“Well, thank God we’re not getting married anytime soon,” Louis tells Harry. “I’d have so many embarrassing pictures of you to share!”

“Oh, you wouldn’t!” Harry says, exaggeratedly fluttering his eyelashes.

“Like hell I wouldn’t!” Louis laughs. “I’d give them that one from when we were at your dad’s bungalow, I’m sure you know which one I’m talking about! Your family wouldn’t be able to watch you in the eye for weeks!”

Alice seems scandalized by Louis’ harmless threat, and oh my god, she’s so boring! But if she wants stereotypical love, he can give her that, too.

“I’m joking,” he corrects himself. “I would never do that to you, my love, I love and respect you to much to embarrass you in front of anyone,” he adds in a cheesy voice.

That seems to satisfy her. And wow, Louis can’t believe she fell for that. She must really not know him at all! If he’s not down to embarrass someone, it means he doesn’t care enough about them. He’d embarrass Harry any day if given the opportunity.

After they’ve eaten the main course (Louis will fondly remember the roasted suckling pig for a long time, that’s for sure), they finally get to the topic of how they met.

Harry winks at Louis, as to say follow my lead. “Oh, it’s such a cute story, you’ll love it!” he exclaims.

“So, we were both in the same university, yeah?” Harry begins. “He was doing Criminology and I was doing Speech and Language Science, and we both needed to take a sociology class in our first year. So we’re both in this class where there are, like, 70 people, right? And at one point, there’s the eternal discussion about fate, free will, and social constraints.”

Louis wonders where the hell this is going, but Alice seems captivated.

“And you know our Louis here, he’s a big believer in fate,” Harry states. “And well, I’m more of a pragmatic myself, and so we end up arguing so passionately in the class discussion that the professor told us to shut up, basically. And so, at the end of the class, Louis wanted to be right so much he asked me when we could get coffee to argue further. Isn’t that right, babe?” Harry asks.

Louis bites his mouths not to laugh. Harry does talk some shit, but he has to admit, it’s brilliant shit.

 

“Oh, yeah, totally,” he says, nodding exaggeratedly.

“And so we went to have coffee and we’ve been attached to the hip ever since!” Harry finishes. “Of course, at first we were just friends, but I think everyone in that class could see how much chemistry we had from day one. It took us a long time to accept our feelings, and even longer to confess them to each other, but it all worked out in the end.”

“Aaaw,” Alice coos. “I wish our story was that cute, don’t you Matt?” she asks her husband.

Louis chuckles quietly. If only she knew the true story! They had met at a party because a very drunk Niall had puked on Harry’s shoes. It’s only the week after that they had realized they had socio together.

“Yeah, we were really lucky. And you know, if I didn’t believe in fate before, well, now I think I do,” Harry adds. He gives Louis a kiss on the cheek. “I mean, I know we’re young and we still have a lot to live, but when you know, you just know, right?” he asks. “Right now, if I’m sure of one thing, it’s that I wanna spend the rest of my life with him,” Harry confesses, looking down shyly.

And wow, he’s really invested in his role, Louis thinks. It’s almost believable. Well, except for the fact that nothing will make Louis believe that people actually say that and mean it. It’s so absurd that people would see another person and want to live with them forever and like, be close all the time, and basically stop existing as two separate entities to become one. It’s just so bizarre and doesn’t sound at all like something he’d like.

“You’re so cute!” Alice exclaims. “I don’t know how you fell for Louis, honestly, you seem way too nice for him.”

Louis rolls his eyes. She’s so rude and annoying, honestly. It doesn’t even get to him, they both know they’re never going to be friends anyway. He pours himself another glass of wine and thanks God for allowing him not to answer by sending the waiters bringing desert at the exact same time.

 

***

 

 

Around 1am, Harry and Louis are the only ones remaining at their table. Everyone else is either dancing or already gone. Louis looks at Max and Carla slow-dancing. They seem lost in their own world, exhausted but very happy. He feels Harry put his head on his shoulder. He smiles to himself. He’s a bit tipsy, from the alcohol or the glee in the room, he’s not sure.

“You tired, babe?” Louis asks. “Wanna go home?”

“Nah, it’s alright, I’m just feeling really affectionate, is all,” Harry mumbles. “T’was a beautiful day. I know they’re not my family or anything, but it felt more important than the other weddings I’ve attended. I almost shed a tear at some point.”

“Oh you totally cried in the church!” Louis says. “Don’t even try to deny it, I saw you Harold.”  

“Okay, maybe I did but it was for a good cause, wasn’t it?”

They’re interrupted in their banter by Matthew.

“Come on guys, come dance with us! You look like a couple of 80 years old reminiscing their own wedding!”

Jeez, what is it with everyone insisting on telling them how married they look? Surely they can’t be that good at faking it! That irks Louis a bit.

“Hum... No thank you,” Louis says sharply. “I’ve seen the moves you pull when you’re pissed and I’m not getting a black eye again because you have shit coordination!”

Harry straightens himself on his chair.

“Oh come on! That was one time and we were 16!” Matthew begs. “You barely felt a thing!”

“Go say that to my left eyelid!” Louis says dramatically. “I’m not sure it has ever fully recovered, so we’ll pass on the offer.”

“Alright, alright, I’m going!”

“That was a bit rude, babe. He was just being nice,” Harry says.

“Yeah, well. He’s a prick.” Louis snaps. He doesn’t really have a good come back. He’s just so annoyed. Why do people always assume things? Granted, they’re pretending to be a couple so it’s logical people would assume they are but it’s beginning to annoy him.  

Harry doesn’t understand why Louis is reacting like that all of a sudden but he knows better than to insist. He starts massaging Louis’ hands in the way that always makes him relax. Louis relishes in the touch. Harry is so perceptive... He always knows what to say or what to do to make him feel good. He’s better than any lover Louis could think of. He’s caring, he’s always there for him and they understand each other better than most couples do. He wishes everyone could see that without speculating about the nature of their relationship. It’s not just his family, of course, they have a good reason to think they’re together, it’s everyone else. He’s 87% positive all of their friends and acquaintances think they shag on a regular basis or that they’re in love. Of course, that probably has to do with the flirting, the inside jokes or the constant touching. Suddenly, a thought hits him. He quickly removes his hands from Harry’s and finishes his glass of wine in one gulp.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Harry asks, looking worried.

“Nothing,” Louis answers quickly.

“It’s obviously not nothing, you look panicked all of the sudden,” Harry answers.

“No, I was just thinking...” Louis is not sure whether or not he should actually talk to Harry about it.

“What? You can tell me, love.”

“I don’t know, I guess this all,” he makes a vague gesture to the crowd where people are dancing, “the wedding, what everyone is saying and stuff, it kinda confused me.” He can’t believe he’s telling Harry that.

“What do you mean?” Harry asks.

“I... We’re just pretending, right?” Uncertainty isn’t a good look on Louis, Harry thinks. He gives him a quizzical look.

“I mean,” Louis tries to formulate his thoughts without making a twat out of himself (which is probably too late). “All that, the flirting, the attention, what you said earlier about spending your life with me, that’s just us playing, right?” he asks. “I mean, I love you, H, and I know you love me too, but I guess I just wanna make sure that we’re on the same page, here.” He shakes his head. Very eloquent, Tommo, well done.

“Louis, I love you but I really don’t want to be with you like that,” Harry says slowly, and looking kind of amused.

“Right. Fuck, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said anything,” Louis says, putting his face into his hands. “I didn’t know what I was thinking, it’s probably the alcohol talking..”

“Hey, no, babe, look at me,” Harry cuts him off. “I know sometimes I joke about being a couple and stuff, and we’ve been pretending a bit more than usual, but it really is just us playing. I like flirting with you because there are no expectations afterwards and it confuses the hell out of people, which is hilarious, but that’s all there is to it. I can stop if it makes you uncomfortable?” he offers.

“No, no, it’s alright, I don’t mind, I like it too,” Louis says. “I was just... I just wanted to make sure you weren’t in love with me or something,” he adds lamely.

“Listen, you’re my best friend and I love you a lot but I’m aromantic, babe. I just don’t fall in love with people, so you’re safe,” Harry states.

“You’re what?” Louis asks. He’s never heard the word before.

“I’m aromantic. It means that I’m not romantically attracted to people.”

“But you have sex all the time? Like, with loads of different people.” Louis is confused.

“Okay, so, basically, there are different types of attraction,” Harry explains. “There is sexual attraction, which is the desire to have sex with someone, basically, and then romantic attraction, the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone. Often, sexual and romantic orientations match, so like, straight people are both sexually and romantically attracted to people of a different gender, for example. Sometimes, like in my case, it doesn’t match. I’m aromantic, so I don’t want a relationship with anyone, and I’m pansexual, which means I am sexually attracted to people regardless of their gender.” Harry can feel his cheeks are redder and hotter than before. It’s the first time he’s actually come out to anyone in so many words. He usually says he’s bi, so that people won’t ask questions. It doesn’t bother him not to get into specifics, he’s not that much into labels anyway, but he has meant to explain all this to Louis for quite some time and now seemed as good a moment as any.

“I had no idea,” Louis answers. “I didn’t even know those words existed, actually.” He thought there only straight, gay and bi, he can’t believe there are so many words and concepts.

 

“It’s even more complicated than that, actually,” Harry adds. “There is a whole spectrum of sexual and romantic orientations. I could try to explain it to you, but I don’t want to get things wrong. And I think those are things you need to process by yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, reading about that can make you realize that some word or another applies to you. For example, I don’t want to put a label on you or anything, but I think you should look into both the aromantic and asexual spectrum. People who don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction. There are different degrees, though, maybe you could recognize yourself in one of those words?”

Not wanting to have sex and not wanting a relationship. Mmh. That does sound like him, to be honest. “I’ll look into it,” Louis says earnestly.

Harry takes a sip of his drink. He’d expected his coming out to go worse than that. But then again, he’d already come out as bi and Louis hadn’t been anything but kind about it. And it’s not like he could expect Louis to freak out about him not wanting a relationship, given his own stance on the matter.

“Anyway, what I wanted to say is, don’t worry about me actually wanting to spend each waking moment with you,” Harry says with a wink. “It’s not gonna happen.”

“Well, that’s ... nice,” Louis says. He pauses. “Fuck I can’t believe even a fake relationship stressed me out! I’m bad.”

“I can’t believe you thought I was in love with you!” Harry teases.

“I was confused, I panicked!” Louis tries to defend himself. Fuck, Harry seems so amused, he’s never gonna let him live this down. “Don’t make fun of me! You’re supposed to be the nice one here!” he adds, but Harry is still giggling.

“Oh shut up, Styles,” he gives up.

 

***

 

 

 

The next morning, when Harry wakes up, Louis is not in bed anymore. He puts on a shirt and some pants and goes downstairs to the kitchen. He finds him Louis the living room, with a cup of tea and his laptop. Harry kisses the top of his head.

“Someone’s early today!” he states. “Are we the first to be up?”

“Grandma has gone shopping because she fears we won’t have enough to eat but the others are still sleeping, yeah,” Louis says absentmindedly.

Harry pours himself a cup of tea and sits besides Louis. “So, what are you doing?”

“I’m looking up what we talked about last night,” Louis answers quietly.

Harry raises an eyebrow. It’s not that he didn’t believe Louis when he said he would educate himself, but he didn’t think it would be the first thing he’d do in the morning. Seems like it is an important topic for Louis, after all.

“Oh. Well in that case, I’ll let you do that. I’ll just go shower, I’ll be back in a bit.”

Harry hopes that didn’t come out as him being not interested in Louis’s self discovery. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be with Louis or to explain him things but he feels like understanding your identity is a very personal process and he doesn’t want to put a label on him or to pressure him into finding one. Louis should do that on his own and move at his own pace. Obviously, he’ll be happy when Louis finds something that fits him, and he can’t wait to talk about it with him. A big part of him that really hope the term aromantic will resonate within him. Because that’d mean he’s found someone like him. And not just anyone, his best friend! If Louis’ on the aromantic spectrum, they’re going to have so much fun making fun of the allos! They kind of have been doing that already, but it’d make the whole thing even better. Of course, he knows that’s selfish, and if Louis is actually allo, then that’s good, too. He’d never voice it but still, he’s hopeful.

When he returns from his shower, he finds the cup of tea empty, and both the laptop and Louis are gone. He finds him in the garden, smoking a cigarette.

“I really don’t get how you can smoke so early in the morning,” he says with a smile.

“It’s like, 11:30, it’s not that early!” Louis answers.

“Mmh, still.”

Harry watches Louis exhales the smoke quietly. He hates being impatient, but he really, really wants to know. He’ll just have to stay subtle. “So, uh, read anything interesting?” he asks cautiously.

“Well, I had no idea there were so many different orientations, for one,” Louis answers.

“And, uh, did you find one that fits?” Harry asks. So much for being subtle.

“I... Yeah, maybe, but I think to reflect a bit on it,” Louis says.

“Of course!” Harry smiles, trying to hide his disappointment. He shouldn’t feel disappointed. It’s not fair to Louis. Discovering your identity is difficult and it’s a lot to take in. He’s not disappointed. He’s not.

 

***

 

 

The day passes pretty quickly after that. When the newlyweds arrive, everyone claps and cheers. Everyone is exhausted. They have lunch pretty late given how everyone has slept in.

“It’s funny how everyone can’t stop saying how we’ve eaten so much yesterday, and still everyone is feasting like they haven’t eaten in a week,” Harry remarks.

“Complaining about how you’re going to explode whilst getting a second helping of everything is at least half the fun,” Louis responds very seriously.

Harry being here gives Louis a very good excuse to not speak as much to his cousins, aunts and uncles. If he’d known, he would have asked him to play his boyfriend sooner. It’s much easier to not give a fuck about everyone when he has Harry by his side. Also, apart from the little feud on Friday evening, people seem to be kinder to Louis. They probably want to make a good impression on the boyfriend, which is nice and kind of unexpected.

Something even more unexpected comes during tea time. Louis’ grandma comes to him. “Come sit with me, love, I feel like we haven’t had a proper discussion in forever.” Louis is taken aback by the gesture. They don’t have proper discussions, like, ever. They chat a bit about everything (well, she talks a lot and Louis nods at the right times) but that’s all, and it never gets personal.

He stands up and joins his grandma in the living room.

“So, you’ve found yourself a proper catch, haven’t you?”

 

“Uh, yeah, I guess,” Louis says tentatively. He doesn’t know where this is going.

“He loves you a lot, and I can see it’s mutual. We talked a bit this morning. I wanted to see how he felt with meeting the family during a wedding and all.”

Louis is listening carefully.

“And he was lovely, congratulated me on everything, really polite that man.”

“That does sound like Harry, yeah,” Louis answers with a smile.

“I like him. He really believes in you.” She pauses. “Look, I may not be very educated but I’m not stupid. I can take a hint. He didn’t say anything particular but he wanted me to know that he supports you in whatever decision you’re making for your future.”

Louis sighs. Okay so they’re talking about that again.

“You know I don’t support what you’re doing,” she begins.

“Yeah, you’ve made that pretty clear,” Louis answers sharply.

“Louis, hear me out. I don’t support your decision, I think being a comedian isn’t a real job, you’re far too clever to be waiting tables and you’d be better in university getting a degree. I’m not apologizing for what I said on Friday because that’s what I think. But I’m happy you’ve got someone by your side, someone that believes in you. You deserve it.”

Louis wants to scream. If she’s happy that people are supporting him, how come she can’t do it herself? But he knows better than to cause a scene. She has too much of an ego to apologize anyway, and she’s too attached to her bullshit values to actually support him.

“Yeah, I guess I do,” he says with a shrug.

“Good. I’m happy that’s cleared up,” she says before going back to the kitchen.

So, that was probably her twisted attempt at saying she loves him. As shitty as his family may be, there’s one thing he knows, and it’s that his grandma loves them all. She may have a big mouth and no tact, but her family is everything to her, and even if he’s not his favourite, he’s no exception.

When he goes back into the dining room, Louis goes give Harry a kiss on the cheek.

“What was that for?” he asks, surprised.

“For always believing in me,” Louis answers.

“Ah, so she understood my not-so-subtle hints about how good you are at stand-up comedy?”

“Apparently, she did, yeah. I don’t know what you told her and it didn’t change that much, but I’m still happy you did,” Louis whispers in his ear.

 

***

 

 

When it’s time to go to bed, Harry is kind of relieved. He’s had a good weekend but he’s so fucking tired. Dealing with his own family is already a bit much sometimes, but Louis’ is something else. He yawns. Weddings are great but exhausting. He’s undressing for bed when he hears Louis from where he’s sitting cross-legged on the bed. “ I wanna get married, too, someday, you know?”

“Alright.”

“But people like us, they don’t really get to, do they? Get married, I mean.” There is a lot of uncertainty in Louis’ voice.

“What do you mean, people like us?” Harry asks gently. He joins Louis on the bed, facing him.

“Well, hum… aromantics?” It’s so weird to say the word out loud. It’s actually the first time he does. He may have felt that way for a long time but putting a label on it is different. It feels both comforting - there are other people like him, he’s not alone. Hell, Harry is like him!! - and very final - does that mean he will stay single and a virgin for the rest of his life?

“So that’s how you identify?” Harry tries to hide his joy. He doesn’t want Louis to see how happy that makes him, fears it may pressure him into labeling himself too quickly. Still, he’s very excited.

“Yeah, I think? The words aromantic and asexual really felt… Like me I guess? But I’m not sure. I mean, what if I’m not? Just because I don’t feel sexual or romantic attraction now doesn’t mean I won’t ever feel it. What if I’m just difficult? I mean, being gay is like  ‘oh, I’m a guy and I’m attracted to guys’, like there’s an attraction that exists between people of the same gender. It exists. You can put a word on it. How do you put a word on something that doesn’t exist? I don’t know, I’m probably not making sense.” He really fucking hopes he’s making sense. It’s difficult enough as it is.

“No, you are, love, don’t worry. I know it’s difficult, but you must remember that sexual and romantic orientations are spectrums and they’re fluid. If you feel aro and ace are the best words to describe you right now that’s the only thing that matters. If you don’t want labels that’s okay, too. It’s your identity, it’s your choice.  Don’t worry about what could come next, focus on what you’re feeling right now. That’s my advice anyway.”

“But I wanna get married someday. I just don’t know how it’s gonna be possible. I want the big wedding day but I don’t want the whole “other half” stuff, I don’t want to kiss or have sex with anyone, I don’t want to live with anyone. But I still want to have a special someone, I don’t want to be alone. I just don’t want to spend all of my time with them and do romantic stuff with them. And I love kids, but I don’t want to have them with someone. It’s just never gonna work…” Louis puts his head in his hands. He suddenly feels very sad and tired.

Harry starts caressing Louis’ right arm. “Hey love, look at me.” He takes Louis’ hands in his own. “You won’t be alone. There are other people like you and they’re living just fine. You will find that platonic someone if that’s what you need.”

Louis isn’t convinced. “If you say so. Come on, I’m knackered, let’s go to bed.”

Before falling asleep, Louis wonders. Maybe it’s because they played couple for a few days, or maybe it’s because they had some very personal discussions, but he doesn’t think he’s ever going to feel as close to someone as he does with Harry. Harry is not just his best friend, he’s his Person. And he couldn’t have asked for a better one.

 

***

 

 

In the morning, Louis is ready to go home. Four days in his family is more than enough. After a few heartfelt goodbyes, Louis and Harry are finally on the train. There’s only one other man on their compartment and he seems fast asleep.

“Well that was a long weekend,” Louis sighs.

“Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad! I actually like your family, even if they’re a bit…”

“Exhausting?”

“I was gonna say intense, but I guess that works, too,” Harry grins. “You can’t deny it was a lovely wedding, though.”

“Oh, yeah, absolutely, I’m very happy for them and I can’t wait to have a little cousin, it’s gonna be the cutest thing.”

Harry smiles.

After that, Louis gets unusually quiet.

 

“Anything on your mind, love?” Harry asks.

 

“I’m… I don’t know,” Louis pauses. He doesn’t know how to phrase this. “Yesterday, when I said I want to find a platonic someone… I don’t think I want that person to be just anyone. I don’t want to make a fool of myself again, and I did just discover that we’re both aromantics, but hum... What are we, Harry?”

“I guess you could say we’re best friends,” Harry answers slowly. “Don’t tell Zayn I said that, though!”

“That’s exactly what I mean. Doesn’t this feel a bit different than your friendship with Zayn?»

“What do you mean?”

Louis licks his lips. “I don’t cuddle with Niall the way I cuddle with you. And if you cuddle that way with Zayn I think I’m gonna be jealous?” If he’s going to be honest, let’s go all the way.

“I don’t,” Harry smiles.

He’s no help, Louis thinks. Is he really gonna let him do that on his own? “Like, you, Niall, Liam, Zayn, you’re all my best mates. But you’re my favourite and I want to be your favourite I guess?”

“Have you ever heard of the term queerplatonic relationship?” Harry asks. He thinks it’s what Louis is hinting at. He kind of hopes so. Ever since he learned about that kind of relationship, he’s been thinking of Louis as a queerplatonic partner, without ever telling him so.

“Yeah, kind of. I’ve read a bit about it but I don’t know exactly what it is.” Fucking finally! Louis thinks. He’s stumbled across the words during his research and while he’s not sure what it entails he thinks Harry knows what he means.

“Well, those are relationships that are a bit more intense than friendship I guess? But they’re not romantic or sexual. It’s more like a really really close friendship. And it can be exclusive, meaning that we establish we only have that kind of connection with each other. Is that be something you would be interested in?” Harry asks.

“Sometimes you talk like a fucking robot Harry, I swear to god,” Louis sighs. Ever since they’ve started talking about orientations and identities, Harry hasn’t been very open about what he is or what he wants, and it stings a little. Well, he did come out to Louis, but he didn’t really explain more than that. It feels a bit lopsided to Louis, who’s been discovering so much in so little time, and all thanks to Harry. “What about you? You’ve been giving me so much advice and I don’t know anything about what you feel.”

“I assumed this wasn’t the right time to talk about me?” It feels like he’s asking for an incentive to continue. Louis makes a gesture for him to go on.

“Okay so, I guess it’s easy for me now because I’ve been dealing with that for a few years now? But at the beginning it was difficult to try and understand why I was sexually attracted to people but never wanted it to go further. You know I’ve been interested in the LGBT community for a few years, ever since I discovered I was attracted to both girls and boys.”

Louis nods.

“And I read a lot about all different kinds of orientations, and yeah, I’ve been identifying as aro pansexual for a while now.”

“Why didn’t you talk to me about it?” Louis asks. He didn’t admit it to himself the night before, or maybe he was too stuck up in his own discovery to mind much, but he feels a bit hurt. “I could have helped you through that. I just thought you were bi and didn’t want a relationship?”

“Lou, I’m sorry. It’s something I had to deal with on my own first, you know? And I don’t know, I guess I didn’t want to tell people who were not educated on the matter because I was scared they wouldn’t take me seriously. It’s not like you hear about aromanticism or pansexuality in the media, no one would have believed me,” Harry sighs.

“I…” Louis begins. Now he feels really hurt. “You know what? Maybe you’re right, we don’t have anything special,” he snaps. And he knows, he knows he souldn’t react like that, but he can’t help it.

“Look, it’s not something easy to discuss, alright?” Harry is starting to get annoyed, too. “I’m sorry my internal struggles are a problem for you but it was actually hard enough dealing with on my own without having you bitching about it.”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying!! Maybe it would have been easier dealing with it if you’d have had someone to talk about it! And I was here, Harry! I’m always here for you.” Great, now even arguments get sappy.

“I know, Louis, I know you are,” Harry sighs. “That’s why it was so difficult to tell you. Just imagine how devastating it would have been if you hadn’t been supportive? If the person I trust most told me those identities don’t exist, or that I just want attention, or anything I’ve read online?” Harry is starting to get teary-eyed.

Louis takes his hand. “I would have never told you those things. Maybe I would have asked questions, and they probably would have been ignorant but I would never not support you,” Louis emphasizes. “Let that be clear.”

Harry abruptly (and kind of violently) hugs him. “That means so much, Lou. I’m sorry, I do trust you, I really do. I was just scared.”

Louis kisses him on the cheek. “Let’s agree to not be scared about those kind of things anymore, okay?” Harry nods. Louis takes both his hands and grins. “I, Louis William Tomlinson, solemnly swear that I will support you, Harry Edward Styles, in everything you are,” he smiles.

Harry smacks him over the head. “You’re an idiot,” he says fondly. “You know I’ll support you, too, Lou, no matter what.”

“Shut up, Styles,” Louis blushes. The moment feels too heavy with emotion to his taste. “Look at us! We spend a weekend at a wedding and we end up sappier than the married couple! I can’t believe the fellow over there is still sleeping soundly,” Louis gestures at the man in the compartment. “He missed a whole romantic comedy,” he laments with a laugh.

“Well, let’s give him the happy ending, then,” Harry smiles. “About that whole queerplatonic relationship thing? What do you think?” he asks.

 

“What do you think?” Louis retorts.  

“I think I’d like to have that with you. I love you a lot, Louis, albeit not romantically. You’re right, what we have does feel a little more than what we have with others. And, I mean, we’ve practically exchange wedding vows, now, so…” Harry jokes.

Louis chuckles. “Well, I’m by no means ready to be married, but I guess my family already knows you so what the hell,” he says, shrugging. Harry slaps him over the head again. “I’m kidding, Jesus! I’m the one who brought it up, aren’t I? I’d like to have that with you. But, um, if that’s okay with you, I’d also like to not, like, tell everyone about it? I don’t think people would understand. Let’s just stick with the best friends label, what do you think?” Louis asks tentatively.

“Oh thank god! Yes, that’d be perfect,” Harry lets out in a sigh of relief.

“You… you don’t want to tell people?” Louis asks.

“Oh no, Lou, it’s not like that,” Harry reassures him. “I just told you I’ve been scared for years about telling you of all people about my identity, how do you think I feel with others? I don’t want people to invalidate us. Plus, our relationship is something strictly between you and me.”

Louis smiles at him. They get each other.

“We do need to define the terms of our relationship, though. What we are and aren’t ready to do.”

“That sounds boring,” Louis states. And also scary, he thinks to himself. “Can’t we just carry on being us?”

“We need some ground rules, Lou. Or at least I need them,” Harry states gently. “What, hum… What are your thoughts on sex?” He asks, unsure.

“Well I certainly don’t want to have it.”

“No, no, I know, I just meant…” Harry rushes.

“But,” Louis cuts him off. “I don’t think I mind you having sex with people. Of all genders,” he adds with a smile. “As long as they don’t become too regular or exclusive, maybe?”

“You know that’s not how I roll,” Harry winks.

After consideration, Louis feels that may have been a tad authoritarian. «Or, you know, if you want to become exclusive or regular with someone, we can talk about it, this is not set in stone.”

Louis really is a good person, Harry thinks. “Kisses?”

“On the cheek only?” Louis answers tentatively.

“I can work with that,” Harry smiles. “Cuddles and hugs?”

“Are you kidding?” Louis says with mock anger.  ”Come on, love, we’re already hugging and cuddling all the time!”

“I’m just making sure! Better safe than sorry.”

Louis is so blessed to have someone as supportive as Harry. Which is why he feels the need to add, “I can’t promise you I won’t sometimes feel overwhelmed and go MIA for a few days. I mean, it is overwhelming, it’s all pretty new.” He pauses. “No, I guess it’s not, actually. I’ve known for a long time that I don’t want sex or a romantic relationship, but I’ve never put a word on it. Now that I think about it, it’s pretty fucking ironic that the moment I realize I’m aromantic is the moment I engage in a relationship, even if it’s a platonic one,” he laughs to himself. “So yeah, I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m new to relationships and commitments, even platonic ones, so I’ll probably freak out at some point and you’ll have to forgive me in advance.” He starts smirking and adds :  ”What I can promise you, though, is that I’ll never fall in love with you and I won’t want to have sex with you.”

Harry chuckles. “Who knew hearing those words could make people so happy?” he asks. “It’s the best declaration I’ve ever heard,” he says with a bright smile. “I love you so much, Lou.”

“Platonically?”

“Always.”

When they get off the train and part ways with a hug, Louis thinks to himself he has never felt so loved. He feels great on his own, but with Harry he feels stronger. They may not be a couple, but they’re invincible.

 


End file.
